Neelama Eyres (a.k.a. “Kai’s mom”)
36 years old
Born February 27, 1971
Elmira, NY
My mom says that my spiritual journey started on the streets of Manhattan, when I was about 6 years old. I saw a homeless person for the first time and became obsessed with how to help him. Since I can remember, I have had the tendency towards “helping others”. The first conscious memory I have of starting my inward journey was in 1988. It was a Michael Jackson song lyric from “Man in the Mirror” that touched something deep inside of me : “If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change”. By the time I got to college I was pretty confused about myself and God and decided to major in World Religion in hopes of finding something. After my graduation in 1994 I told my mom that I was moving to California so I could “find myself”. I guess one could say at that point my more active inward journey began. Since then I have participated in a whole host of transformational workshops, spiritual movements and psycho-spiritual schools of work in hopes of remembering who I am. I have a love for travel which has taken me to Europe, Costa Rica, Australia, Bali & Sumatra Indonesia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand and also quite a few times to India. Throughout my trips I have been blessed with opportunities to meet incredible human beings, participate in local rituals, guided retreats and live in ashrams with spiritual teachers. Through these years I have been both a participant and a facilitator for groups of people in the field of spiritual development.
MOTHERHOOD
My journey into motherhood has been another profound passage on my journey thus far. I did not consciously plan or even really desire to have children in this lifetime. Getting pregnant with Kai came as a shock and surprise to me. I felt a deep threat that my ‘freedom’ was coming to an end and the thought of giving up my life for another human being sent a panic into my system. The first couple of years of motherhood were incredibly challenging for me. The many sleepless nights, and constantly being attached to another human being was a real struggle. I do not say there weren’t moments of joy… YES of course! There is nothing that penetrates so deep into your DNA like the attachment and love for your child. It is something visceral and of course my experience of being human is so much more rich and deep because of my Bubble Kai! At the same time it has been my greatest challenge -- something which has stretched me to my edges daily. It has gotten easier and maybe I’ve gotten more ‘wide’ in terms of my capacity. Going through the natural childbirth gave me a true understanding of the meaning and power of ritual. Becoming a mother is constantly showing me how strong my own will is and what it truly means to surrender…if only for “a moment”. I have seen the limits of my personality and am humbled by them. At the same time I’ve discovered that the source of unconditional love does not live within the bounds of my ego but rather must be called forth from another place entirely. Kai continues to press me into becoming bigger and accessing that other place… you could say that I am forced to call on God (or grandma!!) for the access to the never-ending fountain of love!